Tonight, as I was about to drop my fourth eagle at Wolf Creek (I'm getting pretty good at my golf game. Pony says, Nice shot, now more often than, You suck!) when I felt a big mouth close over my hand. "What the fuck 'er you doin'?" I asked, more than a little annoyed.
Get me a marshmallow, will ya?
"Not now. Hold on a minute."
An indignant stare.
"I'll get ya one after this hole. Do you really think you need one? You've gotten a little beefy this winter."
Piss off. I'd get it myself but I'm not tall enough.
"Plunk"
"That's his fourth eagle of the round!" I love it when Kelly says that.
"I'm getting pretty good, eh?"
Well, you should be. It's all you seem to care about these days. Marshmallow. Now. Please.
"Alright. And it's not all I care about." I said, standing up and walking over to the fridge. "It's just all I have to do once the kids go back to their Mom's house. What else should I care about? Better yet, what do You care about, Pony? What do you care about that gives you the right to criticize me?"
No thought, no hesitation. Hamburgers.
"Hamburgers. Hamburgers?" I couldn't believe my ears. I know I should expect this kind of response coming from an asshole of an over-weight black lab, but it threw me, nevertheless.
"How are hamburgers any different from XBox golf? I mean, sure, they're both fun. They both fill you up. They fill you up, right? Albeit in a different way. I can see how you'd like hamburgers, but what gives you this superior attitude when all you care about is a fucking hamburger? How are the two any different?
Hamburgers are yummy.
Will you fix me one instead?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Sometimes You Gotta Eat Cat Shit
"Pony, my friend, I'm tired."
Of what?
"Of everything. You ever have days where you wish you'd just stop?"
Stop what?
"Breathing. Seeing. Living."
No. That's just stupid.
"I know it is."
Then why are you saying it?
"Because here lately that's how I feel. You ever feel that way?"
No.
"How come you don't?"
Look, when you only have ten or maybe twelve years, you don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself. You just live the best way you can.
"Is it always good for you? This living thing?"
Well, sometimes my friend, you gotta eat the cat shit to keep your territory clean.
"Good point."
Of what?
"Of everything. You ever have days where you wish you'd just stop?"
Stop what?
"Breathing. Seeing. Living."
No. That's just stupid.
"I know it is."
Then why are you saying it?
"Because here lately that's how I feel. You ever feel that way?"
No.
"How come you don't?"
Look, when you only have ten or maybe twelve years, you don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself. You just live the best way you can.
"Is it always good for you? This living thing?"
Well, sometimes my friend, you gotta eat the cat shit to keep your territory clean.
"Good point."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)