Why Dogs Shouldn't Smoke Cigarettes

"So, Pony," I spoke up the day before my new couch was to be delivered, "Tomorrow I'm getting a new sofa and you, my friend, are not allowed on it." His ears perked up at this. "You shed too much and this one doesn't have a cover I can wash. So you can't sleep on this new one. Okay?"

Fuck that! And just where the hell am I supposed to sleep?

"Calm down, big fella. I'm moving your couch to the basement, near the fire. You can sleep down there and be warm all winter. Trust me. It'll be nice. All cave-like and snug, You'll like it."

First off, you ignorant asshole, We don't sleep in Caves. We sleep in Dens. And second, it actually sounds rather nice. I might enjoy the solitude. Especially when you're watching one of those clothesless movies you seem to like so much.

"Pony. They're called Pornos. At least get the name right. Christ! You sound like a stupid dog or somethin'! And I don't Like them. I just appreciate the beauty of the human body."

Don't bullshit a Woof, you lying sack of shit! I may have four legs, but that doesn't make me a Pig. Makes you one though, doesn't it?

"Alright. Enough. So you're cool with that?' I asked, awaiting another outburst from my canine companion.

Yeah, I'm good. Oh! By the way. I think I'm going to start smoking.

"What?!"

You heard me. I'm thinking of starting to smoke cigarettes. Been thinking of it a lot lately, in fact. This move to the basement is actually perfect. I can lay down there by the fire all day and smoke cigarettes. Probably the Native ones, though. They are a bit more harsh, I hear, but they cost a lot less and you're too cheap to buy me quality smokes. Aren't you?

"No . . . I mean . . .No! You can't start smoking!"

Why not?

"Pony, smoking is really bad for you."

So?

"Aww Christ!"