Nothing to Bark at Here

Okay. Goddammit! Now I'm Pissed.

I tossed the XBox controller aside and pulled myself up from where I was skwuntched between the cushions on the couch. One stepped it to the front door. Yanked it open. Crunched out into the night. Opened my mouth prepared to give the Woof standing mid-street barking at no one a great blast of Shut the fuck up you goddamn idiot when all fury froze in the depths of my lungs. I could not utter even a sound. It was bloody fucking cold out there! When I finally caught my composure as it sped for the blankets, I gurbled out, "C'mon in, Pony. S'its cold out hea."

He stopped his barking and turning, began a leisurely trot up the drive. Once inside, I shut the door behind him. Where's my treat? he asked.

"Same place it always is, on top of the fridge. Give me a second, ok?"

Sure, but just hurry it up, eh? I'm hungry from all that barking. He knows just how to get my goat.

"I'll bite. What were you standing in the middle of the road, barking your furry black head off at? Was something there?

I wasn't barking at something.

"Okay. Some One."

I wasn't barking at some one, either

You were , too.

No, I wasn't. I was barking at NO ONE and NOTHING. That's different.

"How so?"

It's a Woof thing. You wouldn't understand.

Please. Enlighten me.

No. Not tonight. I'm tired from all that barking. He glanced at the TV. Fucking Double Boogied the 11th? You are truly terrible at that game. Goodnight.

"Fuck You, Pony," I mumbled as his tail turned the corner to the basement steps.

Heard that.

'Night!