Woofs Don't do Sad Songs. Did You Know That?

Tonight I heard the creak of springs directly below my sunken repose on the upstairs' sofa. Pony's up. Clip-cliping up the stairs he padded his way over and glared at me.

"What?" I asked, immediately winding up for an assault of the canine variety. I wasn't disappointed.

I'm tryin' to sleep.

"The stereo is not too loud,"

Maybe not to you, but my ears are about a hundred times better than yours. Turn that depressing shit down. What is it anyways? "A Hundred Ways to Want to Kill Yourself?"

"The Frames."

Well, it sucks and it's depressing.

"Is not."

Is Too. Tell me, why do you Humans insist on listening to the most depressing crap you can find when you're already sad?

"Dog, I'm not sad."

Yes, you are.

"Goddammit! No, I'm not!"

Pox, you live alone with your dog. You don't know anyone in this crappy town to hang out with. You haven't had a date since She went her own way - and that's been almost eight months. You, my dear friend and master are the saddest fucker I ever saw. So why are you tormenting yourself with songs about finding the, "someone you were born for," or some shit like that. You sure don't need it to make you feel bad.

"I don't know. Leave me alone. Go lay down."

No. I'm serious. Why do Humans go out of their way to feel even worse about themselves? You're all already fucked up as it is. You don't need any more help do you? If so, then you're an even stupider species than I thought. I didn't believe that was possible.

"Pony, I guess we listen to sad music when we're depressed because happy music just doesn't fit the mood."

Well, that's just stupid.

"Probably. What do you listen to when you're sad?"

I'm a Woof, we don't get sad long enough to even turn on the stereo, let alone find a crappy sad song to play. We bounce back. You should try it.

"What? Bouncing back?" Easier said than done, you old Woof. So, if you don't like sad songs, what do you listen too when I'm not around? And I know you do. You left the laptop open the other day. Busted, Dude."

Oh-no-you-caught-me. Yeah, I listen to the computer all the time. Sometimes I use your credit card to order Gay pornos.

"You'd fucking better not!"

I do. Just so when the lady at the post office sees what it is she'll spread it around that you're a big perverted homo. That's why you never get dates.

"If you're serious, your ass is going to the Pound!" He just stared at me. Then the doggy-grin poked through.

Just kidding.

"Fucking you'd better be."

I said I was, now drop it.

"Okay. So, what do you listen too?

Well, as a general rule, We like Abba.